The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

What is Freedom?…2 Days Left!

 

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I always feel free at the ocean.  No, I don’t swim, or surf or anything that entails me getting wet, lol.  At the ocean, I enjoy listening to the powerful waves crash the shore.  I love feeling the ocean breeze pushing against my face and my bald head.  That is when I am reminded, that there is a such thing, as a force of nature.  I respect the power and beauty of the ocean.  At the ocean I am reminded that there are many things that we can not control, but we can and will endure if, and only if, we empower ourselves to tap into the deepest parts of ourselves, the place that harnesses our strength, power and wisdom.  Today, as I am sitting at the ocean, I know that I will never be able to duplicate my yesterday, even the parts that brought me much joy.  However, as I tilt my head back and allow the warmth of sun to grace my face, while witnessing people walk along the shores among the seagulls, at the same time hearing the thunderous sounds of the powerful surfs, I feel free!  I am looking forward to my next.  I am entering it knowing I will forever remain committed to nurturing my own inner peace and joy, first and foremost, always.  Lessons Learned.  Life is good!   Peace.

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What is Freedom?…Three days left!

No, I don’t have the complete answer to that question yet. But best believe I am going to ponder it til the day I die. It is essential for me, that I consciously and critically analyze my life as a so-called free African American Woman in America. Especially, after I have bared witness to the belly of the beast, the Prison Industrial Complex, I feel some kind of way! Lol. I will never ever allow anyone to diminish my trauma by using the old ass saying, “If you don’t want to do the time, don’t do the crime”. Today I am here to say, F that! We have lots of work to do. I keep asking myself, how am

I going to celebrate? Lol. My

thought is I would love to celebrate by having a full time

Professor Gig or access to a full time employment, instead of trying to strategize about how I am now going to earn a living. Three days left! Whew. I can never fully explain how much this experience has impacted my life. I am just so glad that, I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. That have provided me the strength to rise despite it all. Peace.

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What is Freedom?…..5 more days to go!

I am still trying to formulate my answer to the question of what is freedom? At the same time, everyday, since I heard that my motion for early release from Federal Supervision was approved, I have breathed deeply and thank my ancestors for giving me strength and grace to persevere through this process, whole, sane, and alive. That is the truth. I could never clearly explain how painful and awakening this last eight years of my journey have impacted me as a loving, caring human being. I will never forget my experience as I transformed from a community worker, foster mom, mother, sister, aunt, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Dr. Little, Partner and Friend, to inmate Little. I will never forget the women who I left behind, in that visceral and evil space, especially, Derian Eidson, Bernice Brown and Lonette Williams. I’m five damn days away from being done, being FREE. And it is no longer about guilt or innocence for me, it’s about what is freedom? Are any of us truly Free? That is the question I am going to continue to explore. I thank all my peeps that stood by me. You know who you are. And for those who doubted me and condemned me, hmmmmmm. That’s all I can say. Life is good and in five days, it will be so much better. I will Rise Up like a phoenix proud, bright and full of life and leaving behind burning ashes. I know no other way to operate.

 

Peace.

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Lions of Liberty Podcast

https://LionsOfLibertyPodcast.podbean.com

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Coming Soon 1/1/2018………The Happy Place Blog: Moving from Pain to Purpose.

 

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The Happy Place blog and blog talk platforms are created to uplift the mind and the heart of individuals.  Ones “happy place” is a conscious state that doesn’t require a structural or physical space, to validate the peace and joy that is internally radiating through the body, mind and soul-it’s an act of mindfulness, and a desire to move out of the ego’s drama into self-love.  The Happy Place is designed to encourage and enhance one’s ability to exude love. confidence and leadership, in a world of contentiousness, despair and pain.  It is meant to assist with moving from Pain to Purpose and embrace the opportunity to transform Resilience to Brilliance.

Stay Tuned for a Phenomenal 2018!

PEACE!

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Happy New Year bye…I will never forget!


It’s TIME! I will move…

Onward but I will never forget. This will be my last diatribe as THE FELONIOUS PHD on my blog page. But, I will never forget how in 2010 the trajectory of my life was changed forever. I will never forget having my office raided and having the news stations outside my building, as my incredible, Ujima family protected me. I will never forget all of my kids and all the lessons learned from them. I will never forget the Medicaid Fraud unit administrator telling me that, “they did not care what happened to the kids”. I will never forget my despair and merging with my shadow self, in an attempt to remain whole, sane and alive. I will never forget all the people who showed me love, as I maneuver through this process. I will never forget my tough, cigarette smoking public defender, who reminded me that the law is not always about the truth and that I can still be of service to young people in a different capacity once I was free. I will never forget, my almost three hour discovery hearing at the Federal Building, and how happy I was to have it over. I will never forget telling my son that he will have everything he needs while I was gone and he replied in tears, “yeah everything except my mom”.   I will never forget. I will never forget my drive with my friend, Rebecca, to the prison camp. I will never forget being so cold in that prison camp building at night and my bunkie taking three days to crotchet me a blanket. I will never forget the nasty, mean and ignorant people who worked within that system or the ones who had good hearts. I will never forget witnessing just how strong and soulful the human spirit of a woman is, no matter what the circumstances are, at the moment. I will never forget leaving and hearing my name called on the loud speaker as I left the camp. I will never forget being sent to the Tenderloin, drug infested and mice and rat infested Geo Group halfway house. I will never forget, finally being free of Bureau of Prisons on March 5 2016. I will never ever forget that. I will never forget the women that are trapped in a cruel and inhumane, structurally oppressed system, ever. There is so much I will not forget, but I will move on. I will now focus on putting it all in writing for my book. Where I go from here, who knows. For once in my life, I have no clue and I don’t care. and even though that make some people uneasy, I am so good with it. I am forever grateful for this WordPress blogging space, it saved my life.   Life is good. Happy New Year. Peace. 

And this part of my journey is over……..feloniousphd 12/31/2016

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From the 👁y👁’s of a butterfly….It’s so hard to say goodbye but it is time! 

As I approach the New Year, I have decided that it is time for me to say goodbye to my dear, trusted friend, my blog page, the felonious PhD. Those of you, who know me, understand my need for closure in all aspects of my life.  I have alway operated in the mode that there is a beginning, a middle and an end. And now that I have been home from the Federal Prison Camp for over a year.  With two years of supervised release left, and having already experience how the label felon will impact my life forever. I have realized that like my childhood and other life altering experiences, this is a life long journey.   And it is essential that I mindfully make a paradigm shift, that will propel me successfully to my next.  So I have decided that December 31st, will be my last time posting on http://thefelonioisphd.wordpress.com. I will leave the space active because there are people who are entering the system for the first time and have no point of reference, like I did in 2013, when I started the blog page.  However, for my family and friends, who have become accustomed to my long winded and often overly opinionated diatribes, I will be starting a new blog space called, “Pieces of You”.  So stay tuned. Thanks to those who read my blog and supported me along the way.  It has truly saved and nurtured my soul.  Life is good. Peace. 

And the journey continues……felonious PhD 12/16

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Thoughts on Re Entry and Recidivism…Title VII!

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), in its Enforcement Guidance on the Consideration of Arrest and Conviction Records, suggests that excluding job applicants who have criminal records MAY constitute employment discrimination under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act.    The word MAY leaves individuals like myself without protection from discriminatory practices.   It’s hard for me to explain how it feels to have every part of your being be subjected to hate or questioned at some point and time in your life.  I know for a fact that laws and the government, will never fully protect my black, female, lesbian and felon self, so I am prepared and ready to fight for my own survival.

As I continue to muddle my way through my new life, it is imperative that I continue to openly discuss every detail about my journey, the good and the bad. And I don’t do it because I am some crazy lady, who consistently obsesses over losing everything she has worked for, and eventually going to prison. I feel that I must continue to discuss the details of my journey because society is structured in a way that reminds me daily, that I am not wanted, in certain circles and I not privy, to certain privileges and certain entities feel that they have the right to discount me as a productive and proud, American Citizen, because I have been labeled a FELON.

This journey through prison and my daily walk within my own so-called felonious skin, continues to motivate me beyond belief. It forces me to look at life through a lens that I have witnessed from others or often read about and empathized with, but never truly embraced as my own experience in America.

When the scarlet letters of F E L O N can give someone the right to look you in the eye and say, “We don’t want you here and you know you don’t belong here”. Something is incredibly wrong. Not only is it personally hurtful and mean spirited, it is also illegal and discriminatory in my eyes. My former employer, Patagonia, was wrong, and many may wonder why am I making a fuss over a $12.65 an hour job, that structurally disenfranchises not only felons, but minorities also, I say to them, that this is much larger than the $12.65 an hour. It’s more about structural oppression and discrimination and the right to work anywhere and be anywhere, I have the experience to work, despite my past. I am of value. I was when I worked my way out of the ghetto, I was when I was told by my high school counselor I was not college material, I was when I was told to get my nigger self out of an elderly white woman chair, I was when I was baptized at a church affiliated with my college and the congregation did not fully approve, I was when I was stopped by security at a store for stealing after I had purchased four pairs of shoes for my kids, it goes on and on and may even continue until my death. But, like I have stated before, I am prepared for this life. Nothing can or will ever dictate how I live or how I define my being. I am of value and I don’t need anyone’s approval to say so.   But I will speak my truth forever.

I am somebody too! No matter what anyone may feel or think about me, I have the right to be treated humanely and with love. And no one is going to make sure that happens for me, but me.

As usual life is strange, life is full of mysterious twists and turns and I am glad I was born and raised to be who and where I am everyday. Audre Lorde poignantly states, that, “Silence will never protect us”. So I will continue to speak my piece peacefully and lovingly. I will also fight for my right to freedom and liberty and justice like every other American. Life is good.

Peace.

The journey continues…….the felonious phd. 12/2016

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Thoughts on Re-entry and Recidivism…A mothers nightmare/dream.  


A year from now things will be different, as I sat in the Federal Prison Camp in Victorville, California, those are the words I would repeat to myself.  For two years I was absent from my son’s birthday celebration. Nothing hurt more, than being a childless mother, who had no control or ability to actively participate in sharing those moments with her child. I know I will never get those moment back and have resolved myself to that fact.

Today, I am here! It brings tears to my eyes and I can’t quite explain how difficult it is for actively participating mother’s to be separated from their children, especially when there are so many other options for our system to utilize to punish, non-violent, low level offenders. Recently, there were several  cases in Reno, Nevada, that were similar to mine, and those individuals received restitution and probation. Initially, I was angry , because I could not understand “why?!” it was so imperative for me to “do time” away from my son.   I attempted to explain to the judge, that I was a single parent, the main provider and this would be devastating for not just him, but many that were tethered to me. I tried to plea to the court that this goes way past the narrative of “do the crime, and do the time” and that with a system that has so many options, why put me in prison?! Who does that benefit? That day at court I took the judge’s choice to separate me from my son, family and community, personal.  Until I stepped foot on the camp and became a witness and realized that, in fact it was not personal at all.  The process is systemically driven and operates as  a machine. There were many mothers and grandmothers trapped in this non forgiving and visceral process. So I reminded myself of that plea I made to the judge in my letter to the court and empowered myself,  to be thankful for those other individuals, who did not have to go to prison over technicality and ridiculousness.

I don’t pretend to have the answers to this incredibly dehumanizing process but, I continue to have many question. I am extremely happy to be home for my son’s birthday, for two years as I laid in the bottom bunk, at the prison camp, I dreamt about this moment. And as this nightmare slowly dissipates from the soulful part of my consciousness, I can’t help but think of those loving moms, I left behind and their children. I will continue to seek answers and speak my truth in regards to the Criminal Justice process and the emotional, spiritual, personal and financial ramifications it has on me.

Life is good, that is for sure. Nothing can take my joy or impact my soul. I am thankful my son, is resilient, like me. Happy Birthday Son, Mom loves you. Peace.
A new journey begins ………….the feloniousphd 9/15/16

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Thoughts on Re-entry and Recidivism….One year FREE! 

After last week I don’t quite know where to begin this blog entry. But I promised those that I left behind, I would remain honest about my experience inside and as I remained interconnected to the Federal Criminal Justice System for three years of Supervised Release on the outside.

I have led an incredible and tragically, humorous life, over the past 6 years. This past year of freedom, continues to provide me with opportunities to tap deeply into my inner self and thrive, despite the bullshit and for that I am thankful.

A year today, my good friend, Rebecca drove me away from the Victorville Prison Camp on September 8, 2015. Time has flown, that is for sure. Although I continue to work past the traumatic effects of living in complete chaos and disarray for 23 months, as the time passes, I move farther and farther from that space emotionally and spiritually. From there I headed to another emotional nightmare, the GEO Group halfway house in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco, because Reno, Nevada did not have the resources, that would allow me to be close to home and family. I spent 5 months in a hell hole, rat and drug infested environment. It was truly not a space where anyone could peacefully re-enter their lives productively, without being resilient, mindful and self assured.

Today, as I remember that free day, I can not help but to be critical of the process. During this year I have made a tremendous amount of progress towards moving onward to my next. Even though I have a ten year ban from being employed in my career of choice and was fired from Patagonia, because of a social media troll, and my label as a liar and a thief. Neither characteristic I will ever claim and will continue to rebuke.  My life is damn good.  Nothing or no one could ever stop my groove. And now that I have permission from the Probation department to be self employed, I am once again freed from having to succumb to the process and can began to move freely into my next. Thanks so much to the troll for your assistance. For proving my point that many people in our society will attempt to place lifetime barriers on those of us who have done our time and followed the rules. This past year I have become cognizant of why the recidivism rate is so high. I know why people return to crime to survive. I just don’t have a crime to return to, I never had any criminal intent. But I truly understand the challenges one has when they return home with a lifetime label as a felon.

I will spend this next year focusing on my Artistic self and developing my Life Coaching practice. I’m hoping to launch my online practice in November.  My new journey with, “Wellness for the Soul” has began and to the individual or individuals who feels the need to try to sabotage or destroy me. You will be slayed. I am not afraid and I will not run and hide from no one. I have the capacity to turn a nightmare into a loving peaceful dream. After prison nothing scares me. No one can stop me. I am intent on living the rest of my life FEARLESSLY and will fearlessly live by any means necessary. PEACE.

Life is good………….thefeloniousphd.

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