The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

A Message from the Federal Prison Camp…….HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

As I siit here at the Federal Prison Camp, on my bunk bed, (OMG!!! lol) I can not help but reflect on all of the men I have in my life. I have been very fortunate, and I know that is a strange statement to make as I sit imprisoned in the Federal Prison System, but it is the truth. I have witnessed my, stepsons, my foster sons, and my nephews and many other young people transition from boyhood, to young adulthood to become the wonderful Men/Fathers that they are today. I have seen them as they struggled to define their manhood in reflection of the women who were in their lives without many male role models or a guidebook as they found their way. I am PROUD! I am proud because I know how challenging it was/is for them as boys to define themselves as Men/Fathers in our Society. As a woman/Mother/Aunt/Friend, I do not think there could ever be any greater joy than to be a part of that process.

     The one thing I know to be true is that, as a woman who has raised many boys, who are now Men/fathers, I want them to be loving, caring souls. I know I can NOT teach them how to be a MAN/Father that is something they have to define on their own. To all of my Foster sons, my Steps sons, my Nephews, I want to say that you have the foundation, it has been laid, you know your truth as a Man/Father and no matter what anyone may say or feel about you the one thing you can do without any constraints is LOVE your children, give them all that you have to give. I am proud of the Men/Fathers I have in my life. I am not just proud of you all today but everyday.

I am thankful for the Men/fathers in life. I love you all!!!! Please have a wonderful Father’s Day and I will see you all soon!!!!!!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

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The Only Cure for Hate is LOVE!

The only cure for hate is LOVE!

(regarding the South Carolina church massacre and the state of our Nation)

The thought that..

even to even have to fathom that..

the color of my skin

the essence of my being

the spirit of my soulful

black self

stirs such a horrendous

occurrence inside

another soulful being

creating a delusion

an illusion

of FEAR

based irrevocably

on nothing of substance

is truly

NUMBING

an eye opener

forcing me

to stay wide awake

consciously connected and

tethered to the

reality that

I, Me, Myself

Must LOVE More

Guns, the law, criminal justice system

anger, dissonance

blaming

does not cure HATE

the only courageous

cure for HATE is

and always will be

is

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

The journey continues…………….felonious phd 6/2015

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The Unplanned Journey Part 8………………………………… A Long hard Five years, an even harder 20 months! Life goes on.

As of today I have been physically imprisoned for 20 months! The entire legal ordeal within the Federal Criminal Justice System has taken a lot out of me emotionally. It has seriously been a long hard 5 years, and remarkably, I still have more years to go. The main thing that keeps me motivated towards developing goals and achieving them at a high level is my will and my desire to model for my sons, my friends, and my family, that we all encompass the ability to overcome any and every barrier we may encounter in our lives. I also want to live my life and serve as living proof to other Imprisoned Souls that they can still live a purposeful, loving, peaceful and productive life by simply operating Beyond Resilient. I am also cognizant of the fact that my story is not a special one or unique but it definitely is significant considering how our American Federal Justice System continues to imprison soulful non-violent beings at an alarming rate.

It is clear to me that the next chapter in my life is more about not allowing this part of my colorful journey to represent my entire life story. It truly is a few chapters to be honest. It may be the most depressing, challenging and life changing part, but still it does not complete my life story in its entirety. This stage of my journey has made me stronger and forced me to truly understand and clearly define the American Dream for myself, so that I can authentically share with the youth in my family that with education, Passion, Perseverance, Purpose, a Plan and the belief that all Possibilities are available, you can and will do and be anything you want to be no matter what happens to you. I will continue to tell all of the young people I encounter, love and tethered to that they are loved and capable of infinite possibilities. My hope for a wonderful life has not been stymied but my experience within the Federal Criminal Justice System, it has most definitely been paused, but it has reminded me that we as a Nation has a long, long, long way to go to become the greatest Country on earth.
Today, I am thankful that I am nearly done with the incarceration portion of my journey. I will never understand its purpose, or accept that it was the only option for non violent, non-intending, 1st time offender, loving caring soul. I am grateful that my teenaged son has moved through this process with the care, love and support of family and friends. I am truly thankful that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. Life truly is GOOD.

The journey continues…………………………..felonious phd 6/2015

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My Own Quietly Explosive Here Part 6…………………………….Where does the PAIN go?!

Today I started my day as I do everyday, on the “track of tears”, where I can mindfully start my morning off in a peaceful and quiet space. My walk this morning was interrupted by many of my own thoughts and obsessive feelings about this Criminal Justice process. This week I had a very heartfelt and powerful conversation with one of my ex-bunkies, who is also a “White Collar, 1st time offender, non-violent, woman, mother, grandmother, Entrepreneur and a very soulful being”. The biggest difference in our journey is that she was sentenced to 120 months. Now, remember that translates to 10-years of “nothingness”.

     We have engaged in many conversations over the past 20 months in regards to our lives and our current state as an imprisoned soul, within the Federal Criminal justice System. We talk openly about how it is imperative that we keep ourselves strong, mentally and emotionally, while acknowledging that no matter how determined an individual soul may be, the life as an imprisoned soul, challenges all and I mean all that you stand far as a loving caring soulful being.

My ex-bunkie had requested to be transferred to another Prison Camp months ago so that she could continue to challenge her legal case and more importantly maintain a connection to her family. She was excited the day had finally arrived and as we sat in her favorite “window seat” in the camp cafeteria, we discussed the importance of remaining tethered to your CORE-self. My ex-bunkie made some very emotional and authentic statements about her fears of losing part of herself to this Federal Criminal justice Process. She passionately and emphatically stated, “I love who I was before all of this happened! I love me!”. Her specific question which is so familiar to me and deeply touched my soul was, “Where does the PAIN go?!” I have faced that question personally and professionally. I responded to her question by saying to her that it is imperative to merge with our pain, to not allow the energy of pain, to operate alone and untethered from our CORE self. I simply reminded her that, “We are NOT broken, we are simply INJURED and injuries do and can heal with nurturing, support and mindful attention. Our last conversation was productive and encouraging for both of us. She stated to me that it was the perfect exit conversation as she progress onward in her journey, and she thanked me. For myself, it did several things, it provided me an opportunity to share with the prideful, resilient, loving, hurt, black woman, mother, that she is BEYOND RESILIENT and that this traumatic experience has injured her but she is far from broken! It also solidified my stance that only through self love and love of others can or will we truly heal from traumatic experiences. It encourage me to continue to operate from a place of love no matter what.

I am grateful that I met my ex-bunkie and I truly wish her the best as she continues to fight for her physical and emotional freedom. I am thankful that my time of being incarcerated is nearly over. It hurts my soul knowing that I will be leaving many women in the Criminal Justice System and that more will be entering this absurd process. I will continue to share how important it is to remain tethered to your Loving Core Self and operate Beyond Resilient through it all.

The journey continues………………….feloniousphd 6/2015

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