The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

The FELON………It is going to be ALRIGHT!

Growing up many of us were told that “sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you!”. Well there may have been a time when that premise was appropriate but, as a black, gay, woman who has intrinsically fought passionately through all of the negative and hurtful labels that have been placed on me, I have to say that words are definitely hurtful and powerful. Anytime words can be use to marginalized and dehumanize a soulful being, they hold power. I am not the Felon that the US Federal Criminal justice system wants me to consciously be. I will define this absurd label for myself and place my own swagger to it. I rebuke that disfranchising and limiting label that tells me I am less than and what I can’t do, as I have the other negative connotations. My felonious self will remain purposeful, loving and boisterous. Life is good. Different but good. Peace.

The journey continues……….the feloniousphd.

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From the 👁y👁s of the butterfly………One week free, well at least 80% free. I have a wonderful ankle accessory!

I had a wonderful free week at home. Well I am still beholden to the process physically, but to be able to interact face to face with my son is worth it. I have an ankle monitor on and I was trying to figure out what purpose it truly serves, when for the last two and a half years, my only goal has been to return home. lol. And home is where I am so I am not sure what purpose an ankle monitor serves other than another funding source. That was just a thought. I will continue to do whatever it takes because believe it or not I follow rules lol. Each and everyday I gain more insight into why re-entry and recidivism is challenging for most people. I happen to be fortunate because I am able to maneuver through the process critically and I have some supports that makes my re-entry manageable. I still have many limitations and barriers but I will not allow them to limit my possibilities and desires. I will never say it is easy though. Because this has been the most challenging process I have been legally forced to endure and had to consciously place into some form of philosophical proactive practice. I am just fortunate that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. Have a wonderful holiday weekend peeps. Life is good. Peace.

The journey continues……….the feloniousphd.
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From the 👁Y👁s of the butterfly…….If I can’t legally vote, then I should not be forced to pay taxes!

After a brief conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday, I realized that even though I am disheartened by the Government and many of its policies, I currently have NO power or assumed power to vote for policies I believe in. As a now labeled “felon” I have lost my fundamental right to vote here in Nevada. Then I thought well, hell if I can’t vote, then I should not have to pay taxes. How is this exclusionary practice fair?!  The system still wants me to participate as if, I belong and on the other hand creates a tremendous amount of barriers for me, the felon, to have access to the rights that other US citizens enjoy. This week I also realized that it is easier for me to get on welfare and food stamps then it is to get a job in my field of practice. That is absolutely ridiculous when you think critically about how our system is structured. I am not sure what I will do with or about my new found life on the fringes, but I am sure I will continue to voice my opinion. That is truly the only real freedom I have. The freedom to speak. And I will speak boldly and from a place of love. This is a crazy life but it is worth living. Peace!

The journey continues…………….. Feloniousphd. 2/2016

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Happy Birthday, Ms. Alice Walker………. The written word has always been my therapy!

I have always loved reading and writing poetry. There is just something incredible about putting words together that create a visual experience and at the same time provide a beautiful cadence, a song or a brief narrative. I just love it. Throughout my lifetime the written words of poets and writers have served as my therapy.  They have provided me with a peace of mind and reminded me that eventually everything will be as it should be.   While  I was incarcerated at the federal prison camp, I re-read several of Ms. Alice Walker books. I don’t have a particular favorite because they are all incredible. But the one that helped me the most during that period was, ” Anything we love, can be saved: A writers activism”. Because of incredible, authentic and brave Artists like Ms. Walker I know I am not alone and I also know that we can overcome anything throughout our lifetime. I am thankful for Poets, Writers and Artist. The most bravest and honest people on earth.  Happy Birthday, Ms. Alice Walker. Peace.

 

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The real work has already been done………I love being home.

There are no words to express how phenomenal and peaceful I feel at this moment. Being out of the Federal prison camp and now being out of the halfway house, I truly feel as though I have my wings back. Not just wings to fly but the ability to clearly understand and connect to all that has happened to me. I am not sure if I will ever be able to accept that the Criminal Justice system was just in incarcerating me and separating me from my son, but that is my own internal battle and I will work through it, not from a bitter place but a loving one. My re-entry has been peaceful and loving. Next week I will get to writing and organizing my thoughts and notes. I am so thankful for all of the Artists and Writers that has paved the way for me to have a voice. There is nothing like grabbing a book and reading something that touches your soul and reminds you that you are not alone and this too shall pass, so be prepared. I LOVE THE WRITTEN AND SPOKEN WORD. Truly life saving. Peace.

The journey continues……………..the feloniousphd. 2/2016

 

 

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From the 👁Y👁s of the butterfly!

From the 👁 Y 👁 s of a Butterfly.
Life is spectacular
A miraculous and mysterious scene
Full of ebb and flows
Flows and ebbs
A transformative process
That can not
should not be
Rushed or impatiently lived
But graciously embraced

From the 👁 Y 👁 s of a Butterfly
The experience of growth and change is often painful and weary
Pain that last for a simple moment
Imprisoned within a chrysalis that forces external change for better or worse but unable to transform your internal worth so your souls stays free
You patiently wait for what is to come next A beautiful visual colorful spectacle to see.

From the 👁 Y 👁 s of a Butterfly.
Once the process or metamorphous towards your true being, your authentic you is accomplished it is astonishing, phenomenal
A grand, transition that is remarkable, fantastical
and often surreal.

From the 👁 Y 👁 s of a Butterfly.
Life truly is a incredible, a consciously creative and mindfully magnificent event that will lead you to your wonderful, beautiful, transformed, free self. At the same time reminding you that it is not about the destination. It is completely about the content of the journey.

From the 👁 Y 👁 s of a Butterfly.

The felonious PhD. 2/2016
Peace.

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The Power of Voice……thanks to those who paved the way for me to speak boldly!

Today as an African American, sovereign, incarcerated and soulful being, who is consciously connected, creatively inspired, and an intelligent woman, I just want to say, I understand, at least a little bit, how much internal work it is and was for many of the incredible Women Writers and Artistic souls, to keep their voices strong and their hearts pure. I am grasping, a little bit, of how challenging the world is from the eyes of an artist and an awoken soul. I have always viewed life from the glasses of my grandmothers, so I have always been connected to my own power and strength but my journey to and through the Criminal Justice Process, has as one of my favorite writers Zora Neale Hurston said, “made me sharpen my Oyster knife”. I can not complain, but I will continue to tell my own truth about how incredibly demeaning and absurd this process has been for me. As I sit and powerlessly wait to be physically free. My freedom to speak has saved my life. Thanks to all the women who have paved the way for me to have and use my VOICE. PEACE.

The journey continues………the felonious PhD. 2/2016

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Radical Acceptance 

Along with utilizing the “Art of Resilience” I have found that by embracing “Radical Acceptance” I have moved through the dysfunctional and destructive Federal Criminal Justice system without completely losing my mind. Yes I am only claiming to be halfway crazy. This morning I was told that my counselor was now on administrative leave and possibly fired. My only question is and has been for months is…..when in the hell do I go home?   This process has been so Fraudulent and Criminal at the same time. It has proclaimed to one purpose and always failed far short from its purpose.  I know the end is near and that keeps me balanced.  But being forced to operate in a systemically oppressive structure that is constantly inconsistent and chaotic is very disturbing to me. It is no wonder our Country has a high recidivism rate.  Our re-entry process lacks purpose.

The felonious PhD in me will keep on moving on.  And soon I will be home to use my skills to assist my teenage son lol.  Life is good no matter what.

The journey continues……felonious PhD. 2/2016

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I have no FEAR!

I have no fear
Not afraid of the dark
Or the chance that I
May be harmed, raped, talked about
Or even killed.
I have no fear,

I have no fear
Not afraid of failure
Or disappointing others
as I follow my own dreams, desires and plans.
I have no fear.

I have no fear
Not afraid of shame, vulnerability
Or to show my tears
When I am in pain
I have no fear

I have no fear
Not afraid of love, to honor
internal peace, to live my passionate way and I am
prepared to shutout anyone
who tries to limit my stay
I have no fear.

I have no fear
Not afraid to live my life
Free, freely, fearlessly no
Matter what the scare mongers say.

I have no fear
Not afraid to enter my life
Forge a new path and
Began a new day
I have no fear.

I have no fear
Not afraid of shit
Or to say what I want to say
Silence equals death
And in the end we all are going to die anyway.

I have no fear……….this time doing my life my way!

The feloniousphd-2/2015

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