ON MY WAY HOME SOON!…………….I can not believe the time has finally come.

The past week I have been waking up at 3 am on the dot. At first I attributed it to my new, 28 year old, loud snoring roommate, that sleeps below me in the bottom bunk, as I have been forced to sleep on the top bunk, because she has a bullet in her back. A story for a later date lol. But now as I am laying here typing this blog entry, I have realized that this is the exact same pattern I had prior to my incarceration. Only then my angst was in regards to entering a prison camp and wondering about all of the unknown intricacies of that environment. Today I think my anxiety has to do with returning home to a life that is different than the one I had prior to my in investigation, indictment and incarceration.  

I will be returning home in a few weeks. I have already fielded such questions as “what are you going to do?! What business are you going to open?! And honestly I have no answers to any of those questions. The only thing I know for sure is that I will be free. My only clear plan is to engage my son as much as a 16 year old will allow me to do so and assist him with achieving his goals for the future. This has been a long journey and I was trying to remember, well I was attempting to consciously connect with a period in my life when this was not a part of my life. I want to remember how that felt. I need to know how that felt so that I can maintain a peaceful balance in my soul. I will be leaving the Tenderloin soon and I am so ready for that. I hope to one day be able to extrapolate many of the lessons and stories I have learned in a palatable manner. I say that because truly the tragedy and the absurdity of our Criminal Justice System needs to be told and not just from a perspective of fear. But from a perspective of awareness and clarity and purpose. And I want to be able to visually tell this story from a human perspective not a legal one. This chapter in my life has seen a bit cloudy, heavy and dark at times and at the same time I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and those tethered to me. 

Once again I am so thankful I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. For once in my life it was not just my strength and stubbornness that got me through it was my ability to utilize the Art of Resiliency. Peace. 

The journey continues……………….Felonious PhD 1/2016

Ready to get to NEXT………..Re-Entry and Recidivism!

I have spent the past 5 years discussing my frustrations and disheartenment with our US Criminal Justice System and its long arduous, life changing process. As I began my transition out of the incarceration portion of this process, I have consciously decided that I want to focus more on how I will now reach for and achieve my dreams and aspirations despite how detrimental this process has been on me and all that are tethered to me.

As I plan to re-enter my life within the next month from the halfway house in the Tenderloin, I will honestly admit that I have gained a tremendous amount of insight into the issues of recidivism, re entry and trauma. This experience will forever be imprinted on my soul.

I am currently waiting to enter the home confinement phase of this process for the last month of my incarceration. I was eligible for home confinement in November, but because Reno, Nevada does not have a Re entry transitional living center, I could not participate fully in the transitional process as defined and structured by the Bureau of Prisons. My current target date for home confinement from the Tenderloin Halfway House is February 4, 2016. Keep your fingers crossed!.  Nothing is certain in this system, other than your final BOP date. If I am not approved soon to leave on an ankle monitor in February, I will be fully done with my incarceration and the Bureau of Prisons on March 5, 2016.  Yes! So no matter what I am nearly complete with this part of the process.

My experience with maneuvering through the halfway house process has had its challenges for sure. But honestly despite the location and environment of the Center, this phase has provided me with an opportunity to move from the “pause” phase of my life into the I must “get busy” phase. Especially since I have so many professional and social barriers ahead of me. The halfway house setting has not been ideal but it has been beneficial to me emotionally.

I am thankful I am almost home to my teenaged son.  There is a tremendous amount of uncertainty in regards to my future and again I am embracing that way of being and just planning to move forward as best as I can.

I am forever grateful that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment.   And happy this is almost over.  Life is Good.

Peace
The journey continues…………..felonious phd 1/2016

A BRAND NEW ME……..Happy New Year 2016 is finally here!

     I have anxiously waited for the year 2016 to come. Not only because I will officially be free from the clutches of the Bureau of Prisons on March 5 2016, but also because I promised myself that In 2016 no matter what was going on in my life, I was going to re-commit myself to LOVE. To fully loving and embracing life and all that it has to offer.  

     I know that sounds strange to many who are tethered to me because I have and always will operate from a place of love. But my recommitment is a personal one, a conscious promise to myself. One that will transform my experience within the Federal Criminal Justice system and provide me with the will to dig deeper inside myself and heal. And I mean fully heal from the past six years. By doing so my goal is to internally and externally rise like the Phoenix not just professionally, personally or financially but spiritually as well. I am working on being a BRAND NEW ME. Not a changed me but a New me and that is exciting.   

     I have no idea what is ahead of me but at the same time I know I have the capacity, skills, passion and the drive to create a wonderful and loving next for myself. I have always been a winner and even in my losses I have found a way to win. My indictment and incarceration has forced me to let go of my old professional dreams, personal belongings and aspirations. It has also freed me from the worries I carried in regards to the State of the World or Universe and all that it encompasses. This experience has reminded me that I must start with me. Now I can allow myself to simply live life fearlessly and with love. For that I am thankful.

     There are many women, like myself, who are entering this dreadful system and I truly want them to know that they will get through it. All they have to do is make a commitment to self preservation and use the 5 P’s. That’s what got me through and continues to guide me as I began my exit from the incarcerated phase of this Criminal Justice Process. You must know and remind yourself daily that you have PURPOSE and no one or no system can dictate that for you. You also have to know that you still can dream of POSSIBILITIES for yourself. In the darkest and loneliest moments are when those possibilities become clear. Along with that you have to focus on PASSION and love to keep you human and sane and fight to keep your heart soft. Also be committed to using all of your PERSEVERANCE to sustain yourself through it all. And no matter what anyone says or does continue to PLAN for a better day. Even when the clock seems to move slowly and the days are long, you must continue to look towards tomorrow as you are inhabiting your today. 

     This is my year, I am claiming it and every year hereafter. Once again I am thankful and grateful that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. This process has not been easy and next is going to be a challenge also. but I am prepared to do me.  

Happy New Year! Peace. 
The journey continues………….January 2016