Thoughts on Re-entry and Recidivism…A mothers nightmare/dream.

A year from now things will be different, as I sat in the Federal Prison Camp in Victorville, California, those are the words I would repeat to myself.  For two years I was absent from my son’s birthday celebration. Nothing hurt more, than being a childless mother, who had no control or ability to actively participate in sharing those moments with her child. I know I will never get those moment back and have resolved myself to that fact.

Today, I am here! It brings tears to my eyes and I can’t quite explain how difficult it is for actively participating mother’s to be separated from their children, especially when there are so many other options for our system to utilize to punish, non-violent, low level offenders. Recently, there were several  cases in Reno, Nevada, that were similar to mine, and those individuals received restitution and probation. Initially, I was angry , because I could not understand “why?!” it was so imperative for me to “do time” away from my son.   I attempted to explain to the judge, that I was a single parent, the main provider and this would be devastating for not just him, but many that were tethered to me. I tried to plea to the court that this goes way past the narrative of “do the crime, and do the time” and that with a system that has so many options, why put me in prison?! Who does that benefit? That day at court I took the judge’s choice to separate me from my son, family and community, personal.  Until I stepped foot on the camp and became a witness and realized that, in fact it was not personal at all.  The process is systemically driven and operates as  a machine. There were many mothers and grandmothers trapped in this non forgiving and visceral process. So I reminded myself of that plea I made to the judge in my letter to the court and empowered myself,  to be thankful for those other individuals, who did not have to go to prison over technicality and ridiculousness.

I don’t pretend to have the answers to this incredibly dehumanizing process but, I continue to have many question. I am extremely happy to be home for my son’s birthday, for two years as I laid in the bottom bunk, at the prison camp, I dreamt about this moment. And as this nightmare slowly dissipates from the soulful part of my consciousness, I can’t help but think of those loving moms, I left behind and their children. I will continue to seek answers and speak my truth in regards to the Criminal Justice process and the emotional, spiritual, personal and financial ramifications it has on me.

Life is good, that is for sure. Nothing can take my joy or impact my soul. I am thankful my son, is resilient, like me. Happy Birthday Son, Mom loves you. Peace.
A new journey begins ………….the feloniousphd 9/15/16

Thoughts on Re-entry and Recidivism….One year FREE!

After last week I don’t quite know where to begin this blog entry. But I promised those that I left behind, I would remain honest about my experience inside and as I remained interconnected to the Federal Criminal Justice System for three years of Supervised Release on the outside.

I have led an incredible and tragically, humorous life, over the past 6 years. This past year of freedom, continues to provide me with opportunities to tap deeply into my inner self and thrive, despite the bullshit and for that I am thankful.

A year today, my good friend, Rebecca drove me away from the Victorville Prison Camp on September 8, 2015. Time has flown, that is for sure. Although I continue to work past the traumatic effects of living in complete chaos and disarray for 23 months, as the time passes, I move farther and farther from that space emotionally and spiritually. From there I headed to another emotional nightmare, the GEO Group halfway house in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco, because Reno, Nevada did not have the resources, that would allow me to be close to home and family. I spent 5 months in a hell hole, rat and drug infested environment. It was truly not a space where anyone could peacefully re-enter their lives productively, without being resilient, mindful and self assured.

Today, as I remember that free day, I can not help but to be critical of the process. During this year I have made a tremendous amount of progress towards moving onward to my next. Even though I have a ten year ban from being employed in my career of choice and was fired from Patagonia, because of a social media troll, and my label as a liar and a thief. Neither characteristic I will ever claim and will continue to rebuke.  My life is damn good.  Nothing or no one could ever stop my groove. And now that I have permission from the Probation department to be self employed, I am once again freed from having to succumb to the process and can began to move freely into my next. Thanks so much to the troll for your assistance. For proving my point that many people in our society will attempt to place lifetime barriers on those of us who have done our time and followed the rules. This past year I have become cognizant of why the recidivism rate is so high. I know why people return to crime to survive. I just don’t have a crime to return to, I never had any criminal intent. But I truly understand the challenges one has when they return home with a lifetime label as a felon.

I will spend this next year focusing on my Artistic self and developing my Life Coaching practice. I’m hoping to launch my online practice in November.  My new journey with, “Wellness for the Soul” has began and to the individual or individuals who feels the need to try to sabotage or destroy me. You will be slayed. I am not afraid and I will not run and hide from no one. I have the capacity to turn a nightmare into a loving peaceful dream. After prison nothing scares me. No one can stop me. I am intent on living the rest of my life FEARLESSLY and will fearlessly live by any means necessary. PEACE.

Life is good………….thefeloniousphd.