The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

HAPPY THANKSGIVING………. FROM PRISON CAMP

Yes, even as I sit here imprisoned in the Victorville Federal Prison Camp for Thanksgiving, I remain thankful and grateful for many things.

First, I am thankful that I allowed myself the opportunity to move past the darkest, saddest, most life altering period in my life. As someone who mindfully contemplated taking her own life, I am thankful that I chose to endure the PAIN, SHAME, PERSECUTION, DEGRADATION, SLANDER, SHUNNING, ISOLATION, CAREER ENDING, PROFESSIONAL LICENSE SUSPENDING, AGENCY CLOSURE, FORECLOSURE, FEDERAL AGENT RAID ON OFFICE, FINANCIAL RUIN, RELATIONSHIPS ENDING, INVESTIGATION, INDICTMENT, INCARCERATION, GOVERNMENT OVERREACH WHEW!!!! and many more life changing experiences that have occurred through this process, to remain the hopeful, loving, authentic, proud, peaceful, beautiful woman that I have always been. Whew! It has not been easy!!!!

To anyone who happens onto this space and finds themselves in the midst of a Federal Criminal Investigation, Indictment, incarceration or any other life changing situation, I want to emphatically say, “HOLD ON”. I know for a fact that it is difficult to move through the dark and heavy cloud of the Judicial system that is seeking to destroy everything wholesome and pure about you without losing purpose and meaning in your life. I know how it feels to want to give in because the process has stripped and enslaved you emotionally, mentally and spiritually and you are left feeling helpless and alone. I will say again , I know and please, “HOLD ON”. I am thankful that I was able to move past the heavy, brutal dark clouds to the foggy space that allowed me to breathe and now towards complete clarity. Once you get to this phase, and you are here at the camp (which is safe), you will begin to completely understand that this US Federal Investigation, Indictment and incarceration over the White Collar Crime and obscure, convoluted laws had little to do with you personally. You also become conscious of how the Criminal Justice system you have bought into your entire life as a law abiding United States of America Citizen is completely ridiculous, and you are not crazy. I am so very thankful that I now know that my true purpose in life is ME!

I am thankful that my teenage son is safe, happy and loved. My 27 year career in Child Welfare was centered around assuring youth in foster care that as long as they had a community of people who cared for them, they have value and are loved. It does not matter what has happened in their lives, they could and would overcome any and every barrier to become and do whatever they dreamed for themselves. I am thankful that I was right, because my son has a wonderful community of people who care for him, a great sense of self, and he knows he is loved. That makes this part of my journey so much easier to endure.

I am equally thankful that I have a “PERSON.” For those of you who do not watch Grey’s Anatomy on television, a “PERSON” is defined as someone who is there for you through the good, bad, and the ugly. To many people that “PERSON” may be a therapist, counselor, or a life coach. If you are currently going through a Federal Investigation, Indictment, pending incarceration or any form or major life changing crisis I highly recommend that your “PERSON” does not consist of your family, significant other or anyone who is also impacted by your crisis. Because I can guarantee you that they too need their own “PERSON”. So I am very thankful for my “PERSON” for assisting me with moving through this process mindfully whole, and sane.

I am thankful that I have a target discharge date of November 27, 2015. I am thankful because even though I will still have to endure 12 to 13 more months in this Federal Prison Camp, there are many non-violent, 1st time low-level offenders, mothers, grandmothers, ill, handicapped, and elderly women who are incarcerated for 7, 15, even 25 years. So hell yes! I am thankful. This system has no compassion or intellect. It operates purely on an archaic slave mentality and your only true means to being physically free of it is your DATE. For a soulful woman like me, it is essential that I remain thankful and cognizant of those other women around me who are forced to endure such long, thoughtless, non-productive sentences.

Finally, I am thankful that eventually I will be spending Thanksgiving with my son and family. Until then I want to say Happy Thanksgiving to my Peeps and Eat lots of good food for me!!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING-2014

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Missing My Son……..Not a Moment Goes By

I honestly have no powerful words to clearly express how deeply my heart and soul are impacted by being separated from my son. Once again, I must say I understand how we, Americans, feel compelled to stand by our laws, regulations, policies. And I understand how we feel we must stand by those who we have chosen to oversee those laws and policies accordingly, to maintain some form of order and control. I get it!! But what I have a distinct problem with is how some individuals or corporations are privy to the flexibility and empathy of OUR laws, policies and regulations and others like myself are NOT.

I miss my son.  I feel that there is no greater job or responsibility in the world than that of a parent or mother. I have always taken my role seriously. I don’t just miss presence, I miss advising him, nagging him, hugging him, encouraging him, laughing with him, and imploring him to be the best him possible in academics and athletics. I just miss him.

As I sit here at the Federal Camp and witness on the news and in the newspapers as ALL of the Banks and Wall Street forces have been literally excused from all of their indiscretion by simply paying out monies and not having to admit to any wrong doing, I began to seriously question OUR fair system. How did my erroneous billing of $82, 000 cause such a danger to my community and encourage those in charge to basically destroy my career, tarnish my credibility, and most of all separate me from my son for 33 months.

I am not saying I was perfect and assume no accountability for billing mistakes, but what I do want to know is why was INCARCERATION of a NON-VIOLENT, LOW-LEVEL, FIRST TIME OFFENDER, WOMAN, MOTHER, the 1st and only option that was chosen for me. Am I NOT an American who has just as much value to OUR Systemic wealth and well-being as the Wall Street professionals and the Banks? That is essentially the question.

I miss my son, I miss him every moment. Not one goes by that I don’t think about him as I sit here in this empty space doing nothing and stuck in a process that literally has nothing to offer me. I never dreamed I would be here and still I am adamant that I do not belong here. BUT! here is where I am and all I can continue to do is remind my son that I love him. I will also be persistent with telling him that this experience does not define me as a woman, professional, mother, or as a loving, caring and giving HUMAN BEING!

I am thankful and grateful that my son is who he is because, like me, he wont let this period deter him from being successful in the future. I love you Son-Keep being you.

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