The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

Writings from the belly of the beast….Part 1-An Eye Witness.

July 7, 2014 – Now I get it! I mean I completely understand the angst that I have endured over my lifetime.  As I sit here at the Federal Prison Camp and hating every moment of it, I am having a very difficult time adhering to the premise that it is easier to just “do the time”.    Being a fighter my entire life has made it difficult for me to just give up or succumb do the negative forces.  I will always fight.

I am clearly fighting my way through this senseless, visceral and inhumane process and environment.  Daily I wake up and climb out of my bunkbed, questioning the entire purpose of incarcerating non violent and low-level offenders.  Other than giving tax payer dollars to the Prison Industrial Complex, there does not seem to be any reason not to utilize the other resources that our system has available to it, other than for money.  It is all about the money that is gained off incarcerated souls.

For the past month at least 80% of the middle-aged, harmless women that have entered the prison camp were incarcerated for obscure and translucent laws and policies that have been placed under the federal guidelines for fraud, wire fraud, mail fraud or conspiracy to commit a fraud.  Honestly anyone can and will be a target if there are no real efforts to critically think about what we are considering a crime.  I know in reality people commit crimes and they do them intentionally.  But this seems to be out of hand and to simply use incarceration as the only model for correcting ones wrongs intentional or not seems to be very barbaric and inhumane.  I know as I sit here in prison none of my concerns may ever matter and the Prison Industrial Complex will continue to profit off human souls, but I will continue until the day I die to speak my own truth in regards to this process.  I may be forever be labelled a felon, but I still even as I sit imprisoned have my rights and freedom of speech.  I truly believe that it is my responsibility to discuss this process with others no matter how embarrassing, or how disheartening, or how traumatic it is for me.  Even if only one person understands and votes or becomes an advocate for real Criminal Justice reform, I will be happy.

But as I sit here at the camp counting down till the day I am home with my family, friends and my son, I can only hope and fight for my own peace of mind.  Although this issue is far from just being about me, I am thankful that I am able to continue to be my loving self.  It is a daily struggle but I have nothing else to do in here, but work on being the best me possible.  I am so excited that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment.

The journey continues……………………………………..the felonious phd.

 

 

 

 

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Forever Free Part 1…………..One month free, life is good.

Today marks a month of my being free from the auspices and ridiculousness of the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Even though I remain captive in the Judicial system for another three years on Supervised Release, nothing compares to being free from the belly of the beast. My probation officer has been a pleasant part of this journey. Mainly because every interaction I have had with her up to this point, she has treated me with dignity and respect without skipping a beat to do her job. So I know it is possible for our system and those who work within it to do better. I am witnessing it first hand.

Now I have to complete my 100 hours court ordered community service hours, and try diligently in the conservative town of Reno, Nevada, to secure adequate employment. I know I have a challenge ahead of me, but that is not a new way of being for me. Nothing or no one could ever disrupt my spirit and steal my joy again, so I will continue to push forward lovingly and with purpose. Truly, this is the only way I know how to operate.

These days I ask myself this question, “What do I want?” I ask that question in regards to all aspects of my life. I have decided that Professionally I want to work in the college setting. I love that environment and the energy that young people who are learning and finding their way have. I am not sure if that is possible with my being a felon but that is what I am striving for, and that has always been my long-term goal. Personally, I only want peace and will not allow anyone within my space that does not want the same thing or try to infiltrate my peaceful and loving environment. I am now free to live and build the life that I want and I am not going to miss this opportunity.

This unplanned journey has been so surreal and often foreign to me. I know that only time will move me past the trauma I have personally experienced, and I will continue to remain mindful of everything that I have gone through and overcome so that I can share those experiences with other women whom unfortunately find themselves in the Federal Criminal Justice system. I left several incredible friends behind in the camp and will not forget them either. I want them to know that they are not invisible, alone or unworthy.

There is nothing like being free. Lately I have been trying to organize my many blogs that have not been posted, as I attempt to piece together my life over the past few years. I want to write a book that will clearly tell not just my story but one that will provide a window into the stories of many of the women, mothers, aunts, sisters, daughters and friends that were incarcerated when truthfully there were other options. So for the next year that’s my goal. I will never forget how I felt as an incarcerated soul, so that I will forever live my life FREE! Peace.

The journey continues………………..feloniousphd 4-4-16

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girl with raised hands and broken chains

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From the 👁y👁s of the butterfly………One week free, well at least 80% free. I have a wonderful ankle accessory!

I had a wonderful free week at home. Well I am still beholden to the process physically, but to be able to interact face to face with my son is worth it. I have an ankle monitor on and I was trying to figure out what purpose it truly serves, when for the last two and a half years, my only goal has been to return home. lol. And home is where I am so I am not sure what purpose an ankle monitor serves other than another funding source. That was just a thought. I will continue to do whatever it takes because believe it or not I follow rules lol. Each and everyday I gain more insight into why re-entry and recidivism is challenging for most people. I happen to be fortunate because I am able to maneuver through the process critically and I have some supports that makes my re-entry manageable. I still have many limitations and barriers but I will not allow them to limit my possibilities and desires. I will never say it is easy though. Because this has been the most challenging process I have been legally forced to endure and had to consciously place into some form of philosophical proactive practice. I am just fortunate that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. Have a wonderful holiday weekend peeps. Life is good. Peace.

The journey continues……….the feloniousphd.
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Diary of an Imprisoned Soul PT. 12………..Life right now is OKAY! 

     I try to began each day by being thankful. Thankful that I, unlike many of the women with whom I developed friendship with, in the federal Prison Camp, am a few months from being done with the most challenging part of my life to date. After this experience, I have learned to leave room for whatever, Lol, just remaining aware of the fact that I can endure and excel through anything. Like I have stated many times, the hard part of this process for me has been the mental and emotional part of connecting with the fact that I am not free to do as please. And as I start to actively participate in my halfway free process I find that I am more aware of that fact, than I have ever been. 

     I know that we take our freedom for granted and I am not just speaking in terms of our physical freedom but all of our freedoms. Our freedom to love, to live however we choose, our freedom to be kind, our freedom to be evil. We often have propensity to abuse our freedoms and as I enter the best part of my life I want to always remember that during this process I fundamentally lost all of my rights to live as myself and how that loss deeply touched my soul to the core. I think I have always operated as a kind soul, who loved unconditionally but this is on a new level. I no longer want other to do as I feel they should do. That part of me is gone, I truly believe that we all fall into our own rightful place eventually or not. Lol.  

     Being in the “halfway” or “reentry” part of this process has been very eye opening. I am encountering barriers that I knew were there and would impact my life but no matter how much I have prepared myself for this transition it still hurts. It hurts because as I am labeled as being a serial money launderer and a serial fraud I know that it is not me. I am not saying I did not make any unintended mistakes but the public does not critically look at each individual, I am viewed as a ‘Bernie Madoff’ type criminal and sad to say that is much worse than being a drug addict or drug dealer in the eyes of the public. This is a strange and very interesting place to be in my life. It hurts to know that I will forever be judged by this experience when and only when I need something from someone else, like a job. Lol. So my goal is to create my own position in the world again and alleviate that barrier. In the meantime as I critically analyze how I am going to survive and what positions are available I laugh out loud. Because I can not work in health care for ten years and with the implementation of Obama care that pretty much pushes me out on the fringes lol. And that leaves retail and sales but I have 18 counts of money laundering so I am not to be trusted around money. I keep thinking to myself that this is some cosmic joke lol. I am not whining about it I am simply stating some real facts. The issues of reentry are troubling and challenging on many levels for lots of people not just myself. I know I encompass the ability to create my own space and place in the world but the challenge is just getting there. In the meantime I must focus on assisting my teenager son with transitioning into young adulthood. So that is where I will place the majority of my focus at this time. Being over 180 miles always from home makes that goal challenging, but in a few more months this too will be a part of my yesterday. And as my teenaged son reminded me last night when he said, ” mom don’t worry about things.so far in the future, just do today!” I was once again refocused on the current moment and no it is not how I planned it but it is okay.   

     I don’t know where I will end up but I do know that where ever and whatever I do I will be phenomenal. Because I know no other way to operate. I am once again thankful for my teenager son , family and friends. I am also and will forever be thankful that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. Life is good.  
The journey continues…………………Felonious phd. 10/2015

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