The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

……….America’s LEAST Wanted!

on December 1, 2015

     Growing  up and entering young adulthood in the 80’s, I often struggled with how I was going to effectively maneuver myself in society as a Black, Gay, Woman. I used to utilize my tri-factor status as a means to fuel my energy and motivation to always do my best to work hard and make no excuses. I often found myself in spaces and places that I was often not welcomed. I did not do this on purpose but I did things such as apply to college in Orange County straight from the hood or attend school at a private southern baptist college because I desperately wanted an education, I did many things without any fear or restraint. I knew an education would propel me through anything and I was determined to earn one at any cost. Truly my role as a ‘sister outsider’ has always empowered me. It honestly forced me to over-achieve.         

     Now as I am about to re enter my life and my community after being an imprisoned woman soul, I am once again preparing myself to present all of me. Understanding fully and knowing realistically, and remembering consciously that at some point I will not be welcomed. Now I am not whining like a little baby or blaming, I am just stating some facts that have never stopped me before. I am authentically aware of the fact that I, Cassandra Denise Little embody almost every quality and title that our United States of America would rather extinguish or ostracize in some prison camp. I Am a BLACK, GAY, WOMAN, FELON and that is my own consciousness of truth. I seriously intersect with every social crisis or talking point in America right now. How incredible is that? Lol. 

     Many of my favorite writers have spoken eloquently about the internal and external battles of always operating as an outsider. I have diligently studied how many of my favorite artist have gone so far as to harm themselves emotionally spiritually or physically because of the ongoing battle with acceptance, belonging and simply needing and wanting to be loved by our Country. I realize now that how simply being alive as yourself places you in the middle of an American Social Crisis daily. The battle will never end. James Baldwin was correct in many aspects of his analysis of how difficult it is for an artist or a conscious individual to live peacefully in America. But after my imprisonment and experience with the Criminal Justice system, 27 years in Child Welfare, college career and childhood. Whew! I feel that I am armed and ready to live my life peacefully as an outsider. I will create my own safe space within the madness. I have lots of practice with doing that.  

     At the wonderful age of 51 years old I am now adding another layer of otherness to my me-ness. I am once again planning to utilize my education, will, tenacity, stubbornness and creative mind to not just survive this ordeal but to excel at a high level. I no longer operate on the premise of having an American Dream. But I do have plans and goals as I enter into late adulthood. Life as I know it is not perfect but it is good. This sister outsider feels phenomenal. 

     As always I am glad I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. Peace. 
The journey continues……………………feloniousphd 2015 

Advertisements

3 responses to “……….America’s LEAST Wanted!

  1. sonniq says:

    Life will only get better – because of your experiences. I had a very different life than most and also not welcome – mostly in homes of people related to me, and it was because I wasn’t scared of life. I lived by the motto: ( several actually) “If you don’t like what I’m doing, don’t watch me do it” I think I scared people who chose security and boredom as a way of life. But my experiences gave me the wisdom and the determination to continue to have the life I want, even if no one understand why I’m doing it. I always called my new chapters “sharp turns to the left”. ( I started a book with title ) Now here I am at 61, my health isn’t great, but nothing is going to stop me now. So you take this beautiful you, and all life has given you to experience and wrap it into something wonderful. And don’t stick your arms out of the ride when the roller coaster gets going!

    • Thanks for that. It has definitely been an experience. I feel positive about next actually. Outside of my occasional angst and frustration with the system I keep it moving. Thanks for your comment means so much. Many people don’t want to hear the struggles that women have within and out of this a system. So I am thankful for your insight. Peace

      • sonniq says:

        I think there are more that want to hear than there used to be but I doubt the white male “I am superior” attitude will ever change. Their ego is too big. I read quite a few of your blog posts. One thing that stupid out was how different your experience and Jamie’s experience is because he is in high security but don’t misunderstand me. So much about prison is the experience of lsoss. Those weeks of waiting to turn yourself in and completely losing life as you knew it is so hard. Anytime in life when you have devastating life changes you feel so powerless. I felt it when I had to go on the liver transplant list and wait and lost my store, my home and was turned upside down. Prison comes in many forms.You should write a book – or a play.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: