The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

An Unplanned Journey Part 10 ………………….. All Stories are Valid and Needed!

on July 15, 2015

Today marks my 21st month of incarceration.  It is hard to believe that I have been an imprisoned soul for nearly two years. But it is the truth, lol.  I want to take a moment to say thanks you to Chris for the comment on the blog that spoke to the importance of “forgiveness and redemption”.  I believe Chris is 110% correct in stating that we must forgive and find some form of redemption within ourselves no matter what.  I truly feel that is essential in order to save and nurture our own souls.

Early in my blogging process and months prior to my having to self surrender to the Federal Prison Camp, I was forced to do just what Chris advised.  I remember laying on my bed, which was squeezed into my little room, at my baby sisters house, and I wrote on my white dry erase board the word, “surrender”.   That moment forward began the process of forgiving myself for not being fully aware of the policies and procedures of the obscure Medicaid laws as they related to the Child Welfare system, and all who were involved in my investigation and indictment.  I also promised that I was going to enter the Federal Prison Camp space more of my loving self and would leave there a better version of me.  That is when I felt completely free and peaceful.

I began this blog space because, when my business was closed and children moved, I was losing my mind and did not know what was happening to me legally.  I could not find any information and all of my money was going to legal counsel who offered minimal assistance with providing me any form of clarity into my situation.  The Criminal Justice System process began its process of legal, personal and professional, destruction and I was becoming more and more despondent.  I had no point of reference and felt alone, lonely and began taking the persecution of the Criminal Justice System very personal.  This blog space kept me breathing.   I ran out of funds and could not pay for Therapy, Counseling or a Prison Consultant, not until I was able to obtain a Public Defender, was I able to get any information that made any sense in regards to what was going on.   This blog space gave me the strength to prepare for my incarceration and helped me to speak MY truth about Systemic Oppression not just from a theoretical perspective as a Social Worker, Foster Mother or a Professional, but as someone who is a mother, a woman and was about to enter deep into a Criminal Justice System that I have always despised, feared and worked to avoid.  I told myself that I was going to tell the truth no matter what.   Because believe it or not, Chris, I would rather speak about LOVE, FORGIVENESS and PEACE all day and every day, that is my true happy place.   But I felt compelled to just simply be authentic and speak my truths as I was living them and not revert to my natural tendencies of sugar coating my traumatic experiences in an attempt to lessen the blow to those who are tethered to me.

Once I entered the Federal Prison Camp I realized from the numerous stories and from the incidents I have witnessed, that the Criminal Justice System is more about the process and not much about me or the individual.  A process that has historically been flawed and broken and now as an inmate I was in a position to speak authentically about how the system has the capacity to effect me on all levels of my being as well as a Mother and a Woman.  I wanted to provide a space for another woman, mother who was going to entered into the Federal Criminal Justice, life-changing process and let her know she is not alone.  As women began entering the camp they would seek me out and express to me how the blog space provided them solace and helped their families with understanding what was going to happen.   They would also offer suggestions to me about what would have helped more as they were preparing to leave their children, families and careers.  Women who were fearful and depressed and just wanted to know anything that would let them know that they would be okay.

I am not by any means attempting to portray myself as a Martyr or want others to feel sorry for me.  That has never been my way.  I do what I need and have to do to take care of myself.   However, I have compelled myself to speak honestly about how this process tears at the soul of some people, goes overboard to prosecute individuals and provide little to no opportunity for a productive, peaceful Second Chance.  If we don’t tell it then those in charge wont know.  And I have to have hope, that if they know better they will try to do better.  I know it may not always be “Inspirational” but it is MY own story.  And as this part of my journey continues and eventually end, I would have told all no matter if it is bitter or sweet.

I am thankful for being who and where I am at any and every given moment.  I am also grateful that people are telling their stories as they move into and through the American Criminal Justice System.  Because I know that, “All of our stories are valid and needed”.  I am very thankful that this part of my journey is nearing an end.   I am not finished yet!

The journey continues…………………………………felonious phd 7/2015

One response to “An Unplanned Journey Part 10 ………………….. All Stories are Valid and Needed!

  1. DB says:

    Yes you do deserve a second chance!! Every one does and I wish the world could see all your entries to see the journey you had to go through and what you lost!! You will be home soon and a new new chapter will began for you and you will be helping others once again to be successful in life!!!

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