The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

Diary of An Imprisoned Soul, Part 9……..Life Journey Jackpot!

on July 3, 2015

Diary of An Imprisoned Soul Part 9………………………………………………….Life Journey Jackpot!

Mr. James Baldwin was once asked, in an interview, whether certain issues in his life had hindered him. Mr. Baldwin eloquently responded, “No, I thought I had hit the JACKPOT. It was so OUTRAGEOUS, you had to find a way to USE it.”
I have always closely identified with Mr. Baldwin’s response to that life question for many reasons. Now, as an Imprisoned soulful woman, I truly understand the depth and the complexity of his answer. I also know for certain that it is my purpose to use this incredibly challenging experience, in a powerful manner, as I enter the next chapter in my life journey.
Over the past 5 years, I have tried diligently not to daily focus on the “why?”. “Why did this happen to me and those tethered to me?”. I did not refrain from that abstract, one-word question, because I could not make sense out of what I felt was a very senseless experience, I did not want to continue to ask “why?” because I would be forced to be open and mindful of the answers that would present themselves. Over the past year, I have let go of resisting the answers to the “Why?” question in my life. Not just in regards to this horrific experience but to every aspect of my wonderful life experience up to this point. I truly understand on a personal level that the answers to the “why?” is all a part of my true purpose. I will NEVER understand or accept how incredibly disheartening and irreverent the Criminal Justice System/Prison Industrial Complex, is to human souls and how it has the capacity to destroy wonderful people. However, I do understand more than ever, that I must love more, love hard, love authentically, love with a bit of discern and most of all I have to actively participate in Loving myself fully and I must do that by any means necessary.
As I maneuver through the Federal Criminal Justice System, which encompasses many traits that are completely opposite of my way of being, I mean it has characteristics such as, a space of nothingness, irreverence, insolence, pain, fear, misogyny, darkness, loneliness, and self hate, I have increased my capacity to Love amidst pure darkness, being forced to merge with my shadow self and mindfully acknowledging my own consciousness of truth has empowered me on a level I have never experienced before. I feel Forever Free!
Like Mr. Baldwin I plan to use the entirety of my life story as a testament to others who have faced traumatic, life threatening and soul changing, experiences to build on the layers of my life as I ascend towards all of my infinite possibilities. My journey is full of JACKPOT experiences, that I can access as I catapult myself from being an Imprisoned Soul to Forever Free.
I am thankful that I was born and raised to be who and where I am at any given moment. I am also grateful that I will soon return to my teenaged son, my family and friends life. I deeply miss everyone!

The journey continues…………………………………….felonious phd 6/2015

One response to “Diary of An Imprisoned Soul, Part 9……..Life Journey Jackpot!

  1. Barbara says:

    When I read you post, it’s incredibly spoken just as if I had shared these exactly feelings. All I know is you will make it through as I did and still trying to rebuild my life. Thank you

    Sent from my iPhone


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