The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

My Life of Absurdity Part 2……..Trying to Make Sense of a Senseless Job…”To Infinity and Beyond!”

on February 18, 2015

Over the past 5 years I have witnessed and been involved in several interactions with those employed by the Criminal Justice System.  Nearly 100% of those interactions have left me questioning, “WHAT IN THE HELL IS MY WONDERFUL COUNTRY THINKING?!”  and also I want to know, “DOES ANYONE IN CHARGE TRULY KNOW THIS IS HAPPENING?!”  I have many questions, but those are the two that I was confronted with today.

Daily, if we(inmates) want to watch the t.v. we must carry our assigned green plastic chair to the t.v. room from our bunks.  Often if there is a good show or any type of special show on television the women will place their chairs in the t.v. room to secure a decent spot.   (keep in mind there are two small t.v. rooms for over 135 women!) I typically stay away from the crowds and hustle and bustle about the t.v. I could care less to be honest.  So most days I will go sit in the news and sports room where there is no crowd and catch up on what is going on in the world or in the play world of sports.  This evening as I walked by the news t.v. room there was a show on CNN about Malcolm X.  I decided to go in and sit in an empty chair and proceeded to watch the show.  (bad idea!!!, lol)  As the show was heading into a commercial the Officer in Charge (OIC) lets call him Mr. Buzz Lightyear!  came in and sat down in one of the empty chairs.   It was unusual but I thought nothing of it.  He often bounces around trying to keep himself busy and in the mix.   I got up and headed to the bathroom before the commercial ended and the show came back on and this is what occurred afterwards:

(Loudspeaker Announcement)  LITTLE! LITTLE! Please come to the OIC office!

(I head to the OIC office and run into the OIC as I was on my way)

ME:  Mr. Lightyear did you call me?

MR lightyears:  Yes, Little, I need you to wash some windows!

ME: (looking a bit perplexed)  O    K    A    Y!!!– Why?!!

Mr. Lightyear: (looking baffled that I asked) Because you left your chair in the t.v. room!!

ME: (getting pissed and annoyed-also fresh from watching Malcolm X, lol) ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!   Mr. Lightyear are you really that bored?

Mr. Lightyear:  (turning red and stuttering) Would you like to talk to Ms. Counselor and tell her you make the rules?

ME: ( looking real lost right now!! lol) Huh?! Are you putting words in my mouth?

(then it hits me!  I was standing outside in some ugly ass crocs, men socks a too big grey t-shirt and men shorts down below my knees. I reminded myself that I am the inmate!)  OKAY! Mr. Lightyear what do you want me to do?  I never bother anyone, I mind my business, just want to get through my time peacefully.  What do you want me to do?!!!

Mr. Lightyear: (looking confused but now also trapped in this ridiculous convo) Come to the OIC office tomorrow and just wash a couple of windows.

ME: OKAY! no problem!  ( as I walked off saying every curse word I could think of and some made up ones in my head)

I immediately headed towards my bunk to get my pen and pencil.  I had to write this craziness down to get it out of my system.  As I explained the incident to a few of the other women they offered their own perceptions of what occurred.  I did not view it as a racial issue, I did not view it as a misogynistic issue, I did not see it as a you think you are better but I will show you issue.  I saw it then and I clearly see it now as an issue of a human being trying to make sense(purpose) out of his senseless(purposeless) job.  These types of interactions validate my initial thoughts that it is just as difficult for the keeper of ignorance to remain close to some element of dignity and internal control as it is for the inmate to adhere to the ridiculousness.

I reminded myself that I am the inmate and needed to acquiesce as I did in court to the absurdity of this process and in doing so at that moment I was empowered to take care of me.  It was also completely and profoundly clear to me who was and will remain “IMPRISONED” by this system as long as he/she is dependent on it for its survival(basic needs).  My stay is temporary!!!!!!!!

I am thankful that I encompass the ability to first check myself(ego) without giving anyone the power to kill my spirit and soul.  I am extremely grateful that I was born and raise to be who and where I am at any given moment.  If you are unfortunately involved with the Criminal Justice System and feel complete enslaved by the process I will once again tell you to “FREE YOURSELF”.  At this moment and time they(the system) can control your actions but they(system) can never control your mind!!

Be Strong and Love Yourself!

Felonious Ph.D. 2/2015…………………………..The Journey continues!

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