The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

Happy New Year!………………YAY! 2015 From the Prison Camp

on December 31, 2014

     I am experiencing conflicted emotions today. There is a huge part of me that is so intensely excited about entering the New Year, and another part that is a little lonely and sad about being absent from my son, family and friends.

        The atmosphere here at the Federal Prison Camp in Victorville, California is similar to how it was during Christmas. The anxiety levels are high, it’s  noisy and the emotions are heightened. Then there are those of us who are beyond excited that we will be “FREE” this year. We will be able to say, “we are going home this year”. Whenever I think about the concept of “Doing time” and how in my current way of being it is directly related to my being “physically free,” it just all seems so extremely surreal. There seems to be something fundamentally wrong about wishing your life away, lololol, in other words, wanting time to progress as quickly as possible. This is so unreal and mind boggling at times!

Outside of my daily writing I have no clear or concise attachment to the past 15 months. Once a day is done, I have left it right were it belongs, behind me.  I have little to no memory of it. That could be a sign of my being “middle-aged” (lol), or just my innate resilient, coping skill to endure any emotional crisis and rise above. I am not sure what it is but I can BREATHE!  And I mean I can BREATHE deeply…….that is life for me. That reminds me that I am completely “FREE” no matter where I am or what I am going through.

I will also be glad to re-enter my son’s life after being away from him for two years. It is amazing to think that this entire ordeal began for us when he was 10 years old. He is now 15 years old and in my eyes has not skipped a beat in being himself. I am so proud of the young man he has become and how he has managed to process and endure and work past this part of his own journey and remain himself. But it will be wonderful to get home and get him prepared for college and his next chapter. That is going to be my focus for the next two years. I miss my son tremendously and I want those mothers who find themselves separated from their children through any crisis to know that, they will be fine! I am excited to return to him later this year.

But today, this New Year’s Eve,  is about being here at the Federal Prison Camp. The women are preparing their New Years Day snacks and arranging their seats in the tv rooms to view the ball dropping and I will be sitting in the sports t.v. room enjoying a day filled with college football.

Honestly, these past years have not been the favorite chapters in my life, but I have accepted that those trtemendously challenging years being involved in the Federal Criminal Justice System are a part of my being. For obvious reasons I would rather have a different story to tell. This one just seems so extreme and dramatic. But still I have to admit, my life is so worth living!!!!

Happy New Years!!! Enjoy and love each other.

Felonious PhD. 2014

Advertisements

One response to “Happy New Year!………………YAY! 2015 From the Prison Camp

  1. mark says:

    Thinking of you today and always Sis. You’re never far from my heart. I LOVE and admire you and know that 2015 is going to be a forgiving step forward.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: