The Felonious PhD.

White Collar Female PhD. Felon, Prison Camp, Re-Entry, Criminal Justice Reform. Women, Lesbian

To My Baby Kamillo Little Langi…

on December 31, 2013

I have never felt trapped!  Like a butterfly snuggled tightly in its cocoon, fighting diligently to stay alive and purposeful – for others!

When I received the news that my grandbaby, Kamillo Little Langi, was sick, very sick, I immediately got a huge knot in the pit of my stomach.  The angst was not for myself, I could rationalize and talk myself through this process.  But unlike the me of the past, I am unable to assist my son, Josh, and Stevie, Kamillo’s mama.  Selfishly, I feel cheated by this incarceration of self.  The incarceration of my whole purpose; to provide unconditional love to all who need me, especially my family.

I have not seen baby boy Kamilly Little Langi, but I love him.  I want him to feel my love, and know that his grandma, Cassandra, is thinking about him and loves him eternally.  There is nothing more pure and loving than a baby.  There is nothing more heartbreaking than watching helplessly as a parent of a parent as their child is ill….very ill.  I have seen and endured it before.  I have also seen how something so traumatic and hard forces one to accept life on its terms.

We cannot control how long sweet baby boy Kamillo Little Langi is here on Earth.  We can, and I know I will, love him like I do all of my grand kids here and in the hereafter…eternally.

I am thankful for my grandson, baby boy Kamillo Little Langi, for teaching me that I am not trapped.  Love of another exists outside of these walls and resonates inside of me, which gives me the FREEDOM to love him regardless.

Love you Kamillo!


One response to “To My Baby Kamillo Little Langi…

  1. seekingGod says:

    Makes you sound spiritual Sis. I Love that you know there’s a God, no matter how you fight it at times. You are always in my heart and prayers.

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